Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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