Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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