She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
