This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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