I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
