She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
