Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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