OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize