He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We had to coat check the pizza.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
