You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
