I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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