Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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