I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
