Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
