Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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