too bad you live with your parents still
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
