how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
