There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
