mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
