so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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