I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize