Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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