Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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