also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
