yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
