Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
