I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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