It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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