Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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