I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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