had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
