I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so let's talk penis.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
