U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
