you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
