tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize