y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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