Who did Billy Mays play for?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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