i don't like sucking hair
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
