low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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