Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
