so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
