it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
