Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
