im drinking this country out of the recession.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
