I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
