i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
