whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
