After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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