first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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