With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
