Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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