I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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