Will you blow on my dice?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
