you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Man, jail baloney is awful.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
