she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
