I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You have to summon your inner elephant
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize