so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I am morally bankrupt
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
