the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
