This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
