drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
