Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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