i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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