It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
